Stupid Day

You know what.. I think myself really stupid.. Hmm.. All because of I'm running away from my problem.. I really don't know how should I face it.. Hmm.. Yesterday seem like end of world.. My mind totally blank out.. I know myself is trying to escape from my problem.. I keep spending all my time to write blog and I had did something silly again..

I choose to drunk so that I no need to think so much.. I ask 2 of my friends to accompany me.. I just simply because of want to drunk and they have to accompany also.. I know every time if I drink so much of alcohol surely I will vomit.. But I just don't care.. Vomit is really suffer.. Why should I still want to do so.. Is it because of I'm so crazy? I cried out something in my heart.. At that moment.. I just feel like dying but no others..

I keep on cried out what is in my mind.. Something I can't even remember what did I cried out yesterday.. This morning after I wake up I just feel like shame on myself.. What I did is totally non-sense.. What for?? Just like a stupid..

But here I want to thank my friends.. They are really supportive.. and a person that I don't know who is he/she.. This person had leave a comment to my previous post.. Really supportive and full of encouragement.. I hope I can learn from his/her advices.. Especially YY and YM.. I know they try hard to make me feel better.. So I'm glad to meet them.. Thank you my friends..

Good-for-nothing

You know what.. Actually everyone of us should be so understand your own right? Last time I use to be clear of myself.. I know my own characteristics.. I know what I want.. I know what should I do even I do not follow.. I still will be clear about my mind..

Recently only I realize actually I do not understand myself.. Sometimes I really got the feeling of hate to myself.. I don't know why.. Last time when I was in my primary or secondary school.. My teachers, my friends, my relatives or my family told me that I'm a smart girl.. but I just so playful.. do not take thing serious.. In my studies.. for those mid-term exam I surely just get the passing result.. But once for those important exam like UPSR, PMR or even SPM.. I can get better result at least few As..

Do you believe that a person will slowly become stupid once he or she grows up? I really find out that I'm a stupid fellow.. I really don't understand how can I survive for my previous studies.. I always ask myself do not take thing easy.. Since a lot of incident happened to me from the passed until now.. I had missed up a lot to chances in many thing.. I always told myself I have to.. I must appreciate every chance that I have no matter in what.. But I never appreciate at all.. Never and never..

Always make thing worse until that's the end.. Only I think how to run away from it.. I like to escape from problems.. I always ask myself what is the way to escape.. I think many of you will think that I'm a brave girl right? I'm not! I scare to face problems.. I always just run away from that.. People don't mention.. I just act nothing..

Las time I use to think I like to solve problems.. I do not like to escape from problems.. I use to scold people about that.. Now I find that last time I'm not solving problem.. Actually I thought I want to solve the problems.. is just make thing even worse.. I had made a lot of silly decisions before.. I had hurt a lot of people.. even myself.. I thought myself already grown up from it.. But not at all..

This few years I really don't know what did I do before.. Seem like pass my days without my soul.. What I have did is meaningful.. I can't even find one.. What I have did is really make people happy.. Noone.. In materially I got a lot that other people don't have.. But all are useless.. Now in this moment I really realize I'm good-for-nothing..