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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Stupid Day

You know what.. I think myself really stupid.. Hmm.. All because of I'm running away from my problem.. I really don't know how should I face it.. Hmm.. Yesterday seem like end of world.. My mind totally blank out.. I know myself is trying to escape from my problem.. I keep spending all my time to write blog and I had did something silly again..

I choose to drunk so that I no need to think so much.. I ask 2 of my friends to accompany me.. I just simply because of want to drunk and they have to accompany also.. I know every time if I drink so much of alcohol surely I will vomit.. But I just don't care.. Vomit is really suffer.. Why should I still want to do so.. Is it because of I'm so crazy? I cried out something in my heart.. At that moment.. I just feel like dying but no others..

I keep on cried out what is in my mind.. Something I can't even remember what did I cried out yesterday.. This morning after I wake up I just feel like shame on myself.. What I did is totally non-sense.. What for?? Just like a stupid..

But here I want to thank my friends.. They are really supportive.. and a person that I don't know who is he/she.. This person had leave a comment to my previous post.. Really supportive and full of encouragement.. I hope I can learn from his/her advices.. Especially YY and YM.. I know they try hard to make me feel better.. So I'm glad to meet them.. Thank you my friends..

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


You know what.. Actually everyone of us should be so understand your own right? Last time I use to be clear of myself.. I know my own characteristics.. I know what I want.. I know what should I do even I do not follow.. I still will be clear about my mind..

Recently only I realize actually I do not understand myself.. Sometimes I really got the feeling of hate to myself.. I don't know why.. Last time when I was in my primary or secondary school.. My teachers, my friends, my relatives or my family told me that I'm a smart girl.. but I just so playful.. do not take thing serious.. In my studies.. for those mid-term exam I surely just get the passing result.. But once for those important exam like UPSR, PMR or even SPM.. I can get better result at least few As..

Do you believe that a person will slowly become stupid once he or she grows up? I really find out that I'm a stupid fellow.. I really don't understand how can I survive for my previous studies.. I always ask myself do not take thing easy.. Since a lot of incident happened to me from the passed until now.. I had missed up a lot to chances in many thing.. I always told myself I have to.. I must appreciate every chance that I have no matter in what.. But I never appreciate at all.. Never and never..

Always make thing worse until that's the end.. Only I think how to run away from it.. I like to escape from problems.. I always ask myself what is the way to escape.. I think many of you will think that I'm a brave girl right? I'm not! I scare to face problems.. I always just run away from that.. People don't mention.. I just act nothing..

Las time I use to think I like to solve problems.. I do not like to escape from problems.. I use to scold people about that.. Now I find that last time I'm not solving problem.. Actually I thought I want to solve the problems.. is just make thing even worse.. I had made a lot of silly decisions before.. I had hurt a lot of people.. even myself.. I thought myself already grown up from it.. But not at all..

This few years I really don't know what did I do before.. Seem like pass my days without my soul.. What I have did is meaningful.. I can't even find one.. What I have did is really make people happy.. Noone.. In materially I got a lot that other people don't have.. But all are useless.. Now in this moment I really realize I'm good-for-nothing..