No Hope

I've been stop updated my blog for days.. This few days happened a lot of thing to me.. It is really mess up my life.. Many thing you are never dope out it might be happen.. Just now when i'm writing blog.. something worse happened again..

I feel really sorry for the passed i had did something to hurt anyone.. I'm not mature at all to handle problems.. In the dangerous tension moment.. I seem like miss out a lot thing.. I cried.. I'm so worry about after i miss out something only i feel regret..

But after that incident.. Who really know my feeling.. Maybe someone will think i'm just feel upset in that moment.. Do you know i'm really care and concern about that? Someone will tell me that i already get what i want.. I have to pay out something too.. There's no more pressure for me..

I wish to say is.. actually there's still pressure for me.. I do not mean that i should not have any pressure.. I know pressure is good for me.. Because it can always alert myself to do my best.. I admit that i never do my best for the passed..

At 1st i feel happy i thought i got the chance to change.. I know that confidence is not one or two days can build up.. But i need time too.. Why giving me hope but now want to get it back.. Why? I feel really totally hopeless.. Someone will say because i ask for it.. I make thing worse.. But do you see how i work hard for?

I just wish to get the everyone approve that.. That's what i hope for.. But why.. Why the game just start i have been disqualify? I have no choice.. maybe u can said because i ask for it.. because i spoil the trust.. But do u think before why i tell lies.. The game haven end why you judge me lose..

Now.. i'm really lose.. I have no chance.. Although it is not directly mention out.. But i can feel and i know i'm not being trusted.. I just need people care and concern but is not suspicion.. I just hope to get support to all of you..

Today seem like game over for me.. Really just end up like this? I'm not reconcile to.. But I'm hopeless now..

P/S :
My friend told me before..
When God close the door..
There will be another door to open..
Isn't it?
Please Bless me, God..